Thursday, September 30, 2004

my spacebar keeps sticking!

so i want to go ahead and apologize: if any of my words get slurred, i am not still drunk on yellow tail shiraz from last night - it's my stupid keyboard, i swear.

so in my neverending quest to cut myself off from people at work and listen to music from 8:30 to 5:30, i have found something interesting. unfortunately, it happens to be an AOL product, but oh well. i downloaded the latest upgrade to AIM this morning,and one thing they offer is free radio.i know you can find free radio all over the internet, but honestly, nothing has made itself as available to me as this. which is kind of scary - am i to lazy to go look for something in this age of having everything handed to us? hey wait - my spacebar stopped sticking. oh wait, it's back again. dammit. anyway, the AOL radio thing. there is a station called "80s alternative" that is rocking my head right now. i am now listening to the missing persons song "walking in l.a." i have heard r.e.m., stone roses, the cure and new order in the past 30 min. or so. they also have these other interesting stations: 90s alternative (now playing the cranberries), 90s indie (now playing guided by voices), classic punk (now playing the new york dolls and then sham 69), indie rock grrls (now playing the sugarcubes, who were not really 'indie', but whatever), my new favorite rainy days stations, melancholia (now playing the softies and then the new year), new wave (now playing iggy pop, who i would call more punk than new wave, but whatever), there is even a guest DJ section with current and former obsessions of mine such as hillary duff (i was upset to hear jason mraz when i first turned it on, but she redeemed herself with radiohead), and avril lavigne (who apparently listens to all crap). back to 80s alternative again for the cult. YES!

t-daddy is right in his comment that things get better. i'm back up today, at least a little bit. i'm experiencing pre-birthday euphoria.the gals are talking about a big friday night (which none of us can afford, but it'sfun to talk about) beginning with dinner at the best vegetarian indian restaurant in atlanta,lovinglydubbed "cockroach" (you DON'T want to hear that story), then onto trader vic's for fruity alcohol drinks with parrots in them, and then to lenny's for dancing and hopefully free drinks, and then to a strip club, maybe the pink pony. whew!if that all works out, it'll be crazy. but fun. unfortunately, i think casey and i will have to forgo my birthday dinner at dante's this year, we just don't have the money. it's the first of the month and we have rent and bills due. ugh.

i'm thinking of watching the presidential debates tonight, but it'll just make me mad. i really hope kerry wins, but the pessimist in me says don't count on it. i envy joy because her parents are democrats - i think my parents may have been on the liberal side of things long ago, but then they got rich, conservative and republican. and casey hates bush AND kerry, thinks they're both evil, and will be voting libertarian. i don't even like to talk politics with him because we have such differing views. back around the time of the primaries in the spring, i took a few online quizzes that rate your political affiliation based on your views on several issues. well, i guess i wasn't far off when i joined that socialist club in high school - i was rated as a socialist. i can't decide whether to be proud or scared.

Monday, September 27, 2004

is my world really that wonderful?

doesn't seem like it. i'm in a horrible mood today, but i feel extremely guily for not posting in a week and a half. honestly, i had nothing to say that you haven't already heard. "i'm tired", "i'm nervous", "i have no money", "i'm excited about my new job", etc. to top it all off, we're getting rain from hurricane/tropical storm jeanne and my birthday is swiftly approaching. not a milestone birthday, but one more all the same. next year i will really be freaking out. i am not looking forward to the big 3-0.

i had terrible luck this weekend with knitting projects. i ending up frogging several things i was working on. and the stupid blanket looms over my head like a rain cloud. i'm trying to keep from starting any new projects because i have so many old ones to finish. i'm starting to realize why i put many of these down in the first place.

two more weeks of being bored and sitting on the internet all day. i'm pretty sure that in my new position, i won't have time for playing games, looking up knitting patterns, searching for recipes, or adding to/changing my wedding registries. i'm not sure whether i'm glad or sad about that.

money continues to be a problem. it's hard for me to understand how it seems like we've cut back on so much, yet we still can't pay bills. maybe we will have to get another roommate. or maybe i should offer to take a job on the weekends, since i make less than casey anyway. i just know that i would REALLY be miserable if i did that.

i guess i should get back to work, but all i really want to do is curl up with my dogs and sleep my life away...

Thursday, September 16, 2004

i got an "F" in blogging class

that's right, i failed. the two goals of a good blogger should be: 1. telling people about your blog - the only person (as far as i know) that even knows i have a blog is joy, and that's because i set mine up after i saw hers. and 2. try to post something almost every day. so i'm slack, like you didn't already know. oh well.

today i am listening to my "rainy days" playlist. i'm still working on it, but it consists of mostly sugar, morrissey, the cure, a couple of rolling stones songs, a couple of REM songs, inkwell, samiam, the first shins album, the stills, the afghan whigs and the garden state soundtrack. i'm not quite ready to kill myself yet, but i'm getting there.

speaking of which, everything's back to bad today. money's bad. this school loan stuff is WAY bad - i finally talked to my father and according to him, he has no paperwork for any of my loans and is being super-defensive that i should've kept up with this stuff myself and why wasn't i paying on my loans anyway? and from there i transitioned to, "daddy, can we talk about wedding stuff this weekend?" and ended the conversation with him saying, "i am NOT paying for a 125-person wedding!" the hilarious thing is that i have 125 people on my list, and that's just FAMILY. casey's family basically makes up the whole town of old alpharetta. ugh.

maddux is having her surgery today, and i am just SICK about it. i'm so afraid she's going to be mad at casey and i for doing that to her, although it'll be better in the long run. but she won't be able to understand that. i hope she's okay.

one good thing, we got free willy's burritos for lunch. one of the sales managers is leaving tomorrow to take a job in ohio, and our department head, jack, bought everyone lunch. that was yummy, but i ate too much :(

stitch & bitch will be at my house tonight. hope we still have power by then. i'm going to buy a few more candles after work, just in case.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004


okay, so does anyone else think that the ali g show is one of the funniest shows on TV right now? that guy is bonkers! it's this british comedian that has 3 main alter egos: ali g, hip hop allstar; borat, TV reporter from Kazakhstan; and bruno, austrian club kid and fashion reporter. basically, all three of these characters interview people, get everything wrong, and are generally hilarious. casey can barely watch it, because he says it makes him want to hide. each character makes potentially embarrassing statements, and somehow, the interviewees usually just go along for the ride. there are a lot of stereotypical american statements made by the interviewees, especially to borat, like, "we don't do that in this country." this usually follows borat asking a penis question. it sounds crazy, but you just have to see it. it's on HBO and it's FUNNY.

so anyway, today is a better day. i still haven't talked to my dad about loan stuff, but i feel like somehow everything's going to be okay. actually, i don't really care, which is weird for me, but means my medicine is working. hooray for modern science!

Monday, September 13, 2004

the sky is falling

okay, well maybe things aren't THAT bad, but they're pretty bad. no money, as per usual. eating burritoes twice this week because they're cheap. the school loan people fucked up my loans and of course it's my fault, meaning that i have to somehow get proof that it's their fault before they garnish my wages next week. didn't i just say that i have no money? i want to talk to my dad about it, he's the keeper of my loans and all my paperwork, but he's in california and not answering his phone. and on top of all this, planning a wedding, or even just a dance party, is REALLY stressing me out! and i'm just in the info-gathering stage right now. everything seems to be so expensive and there's all these crazy hidden fees. as far as i can tell, i'm going to get screwed one way or another. and all this yucky school loan crap makes me want to either just put off the wedding for longer, or beg daddy to pay off my loan rather than paying for the wedding. but that's no fun.

and of course, all of this stupid crap has made me want to go home and hide under the covers rather than go to the gym. i'm supposed to be starting a new world order today, diet and excersize, because i don't want to be fat when we get married. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Friday, September 10, 2004


so, all that worrying was for nothing, because I GOT THE JOB. okay, well, some worrying was probably good. but man, am i going to have a great weekend! i just got the call. they said there were other strong internal candidates, but that i was on the top of everyone's list. it's great how things work out sometimes, but i can't help to wonder what bad is going to happen to balance out this good. because, oh yeah, not only did i get the job, but i got it with my current salary! WOW!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

tired with a side of nervous

i did get to sleep a little earlier last night, thank you. but i'm still tired. i'm always tired. i have diagnosed myself with chronic fatigue syndrome, because i just don't know how else to explain the fact that i am pretty much constantly exhausted. i'm sure my worrying has a lot to do with it. it's tiring to be stressed out this much. today's big stress is this: i have a second interview for a job at our main office downtown. i will be meeting with not only the woman will potentially be my manager, but also with the woman that is currently in the position to be filled, and the head of the department. i am much more nervous for thi interview than i was for the first. when i went for the first interview, it was more like me just finding out more about the position. i was in a great spot - i already have a job, so i could just decide whether or not to take this one. but now, with the second interview, there's more at stake. first of all, i really want this position. almost to the point that i can't imagine being here anymore. secondly, pretty much everyone on my team have all but given up - we don't have meetings anymore, and it seems like everyone's going on interviews and just trying to get the hell out of here. so this interview means a lot.

now this new position isn't all great, by the way. it may mean me taking a substantial paycut (and when you make as little as i do, anything is substantial). also, i won't really have the close-knit team atmosphere there as we do here. of course, that could be a good thing. also, it is a higher profile position, meaning that i may have to tone some things down because i will be in weekly meetings with managers and department heads. but seriously, all of these things will be worth it to have some sort of security. i'm tired of going home every weekend worried about whether my boss hates me or whether she's mad at me. and the rest of the team, as well.

unfortunately, with all this on my mind, i also have a ton of work to do. and all i want to do is be in bed with my dogs, knitting my other arm warmer (i finished one last night, yeah!). grrrrrr.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

well at least my power wasn't out this morning...

but if my power HAD been out this a.m., i'd have an excuse for looking like shit. now i have no excuse. i actually DO have an excuse, one which i'll share, but you can't tell anyone. are you ready? do you know what i was up doing until 2 a.m. this morning? i'll give you a hint: bad movies on satellite TV. still stumped? how about this: as much as i don't like j-lo, i find her ass to be mesmerizing. she's on TV, and i'm like, in a zone. oh shut up, stop judging me. it's not like i was watching gigli or anything (although that WAS one of my choices on the 15 or so movie channels we have). i was watching maid in manhattan. that's right. i said it. and now, i hate myself. not for getting wrapped up in that particular movie, no - watching that movie was inevitable, in fact, i'm surprised i haven't seen it yet. i hate myself because i'm tired after about 5 hours of wind and rain-induced sleep. yawn.

singing along with avail, 1995 fayettevile fest. Posted by Hello

i heart hal al shedad. driver dome, c. 1994. Posted by Hello