Wednesday, September 08, 2004

tired with a side of nervous

i did get to sleep a little earlier last night, thank you. but i'm still tired. i'm always tired. i have diagnosed myself with chronic fatigue syndrome, because i just don't know how else to explain the fact that i am pretty much constantly exhausted. i'm sure my worrying has a lot to do with it. it's tiring to be stressed out this much. today's big stress is this: i have a second interview for a job at our main office downtown. i will be meeting with not only the woman will potentially be my manager, but also with the woman that is currently in the position to be filled, and the head of the department. i am much more nervous for thi interview than i was for the first. when i went for the first interview, it was more like me just finding out more about the position. i was in a great spot - i already have a job, so i could just decide whether or not to take this one. but now, with the second interview, there's more at stake. first of all, i really want this position. almost to the point that i can't imagine being here anymore. secondly, pretty much everyone on my team have all but given up - we don't have meetings anymore, and it seems like everyone's going on interviews and just trying to get the hell out of here. so this interview means a lot.

now this new position isn't all great, by the way. it may mean me taking a substantial paycut (and when you make as little as i do, anything is substantial). also, i won't really have the close-knit team atmosphere there as we do here. of course, that could be a good thing. also, it is a higher profile position, meaning that i may have to tone some things down because i will be in weekly meetings with managers and department heads. but seriously, all of these things will be worth it to have some sort of security. i'm tired of going home every weekend worried about whether my boss hates me or whether she's mad at me. and the rest of the team, as well.

unfortunately, with all this on my mind, i also have a ton of work to do. and all i want to do is be in bed with my dogs, knitting my other arm warmer (i finished one last night, yeah!). grrrrrr.


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